To Be Depressed Or Not To Be Depressed

I am usually pissing someone off with the things I say so I figured I would keep the momentum going.  

I don't understand the people who are "depressed" and cannot function without meds.  I have a handful of friends that fall into this category and I just don't understand.  At what point do you say "shit, I think I need some pills to keep my depression at bay?"

I could publish a book on the shit that happened in my life that could or has caused depression moments and they are still happening.  Danny and I don't do anything the right way, rather we do everything the wrong way and learn from that mistake and HOPE that we never do it wrong again.  Basically, we seem to have done things backwards, where we got married and had kids instead of continuing our education and I am not finding myself  going back to school to help further my next career.  Which is another onset of depression.  I had such a great job for 8+ years and then I went and ruined that because I was bored and I wanted something else.  Something better, something fun.  Well since I made that decision, I have not had a steady job.  I have been in and out of unemployment and right now hoping to receive an offer on a temp job that will keep me employed through the end of the year.

As for Danny, he had a great job too, working for the same place I did.  He stayed after I left and was unfortunately laid off for whatever dumb ass reason they gave and was unemployed for two years.  He found another great job that he started about a month ago and so he is happy.  I on the other hand and far from happy and regret a lot of the decisions I have made in the past.

I often don't sleep at night because of all that I have on my mind and often don't want to get out of bed.  With the kids on summer break, I would just stay in bed except that I need to get Peanut outside for her fresh air and her potty breaks.  If it were not for that dog, I might lay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself.  Thanks to Peanut, I have been getting out of bed and doing a few things to try and help reduce the amount of stress that I am under, but my mind often wanders and I start think about all the bad and negative things and then sit and ponder and eventually get myself back to the future and what positive things could happen to make things better.  Well that just takes me back to the depressed stage again.

I must admit that my kids are a lot of what keeps me going.  They need parents that are strong and can handle the goos, bad and ugly and not let all that shit bring them down.  When I start to wonder "WHY" I think of my kids and I tell myself that I have to do it for them.  They deserve better than me to sit and feel sorry for myself all day, they deserve better than mom telling them that they will need to fend for themselves for dinner or do to their own laundry when they don't have any clean clothes.

I was put here to care for them and they were put here to bring me joy.

When the kids are around, I have my game face on and life is great!  They need to know that everything is good!